Leslie did an impressive breakdown of all the ways that the advertising for Grand Theft Auto 4 is offensive. But she missed one little thing…
Count her fingers. But hey, I hear the extra-digital are seriously underrepresented since The Princess Bride. Perhaps GTA was just trying to be more inclusive with their hookers. In addition to paying them for sex, you could learn to cherish them for their uniqueness! Or just run them over until they’re a human skid mark on the soul of humanity. Take note children, this is what happens when you play too much with your “joystick” and not enough with real people.
An interesting factoid: I was first introduced to the bodily fluid-soaked spectacle that is Grand Theft Auto by one of my high school students in Seattle. A girl I’ll call Lolita (obv. not her real name). Lolita came into my care after getting taken out of her regular chemistry class because – and she told me this herself – she had accused her teacher of trying to rape her after he refused to bump up her grade to an A when she deserved an F-. Her parents – who also told me this themselves – knew that Lolita was lying but didn’t want to ruin her chances of going Ivy League so they went along with her charade and threatened to sue the school. The school placated all the aggrieved parties by giving her to me to teach one-on-one. Needless to say, I always left the door open.
Our bi-weekly tutoring sessions lasted for more than 2 years and while I’m almost positive that she learned nothing, I learned a lot about the microcosm that is the higher echelons of rich prep-school girls. It put Gossip Girls to shame.
What do you get when you put a bunch of gorgeous-yet-morally bankrupt teenage girls in with a bunch of horny-and-ethically retarded teenage boys and then throw buckets of money at them? You get Grand Theft Auto in real life. It was no wonder it was their favorite game.
Lolita proudly showed me all the codes she’d cracked in the game on her hand-held PlayStation. She’d toiled for hours to be able to make strippers flash her and hookers have kinky sex with her. Then she’d kill them in a horrific manner and be on to the next thing – usually taking embarrassing camera pics of kids she deemed too ugly to have feelings and then sending them to all of her cronies who would laugh loudly as they posted them to MySpace.
“Doesn’t it bother you at all that all the people you are abusing in this game are women?” I asked her.
“They’re not women, they’re whores,” she replied without even looking up. She was too busy texting her boyfriend about about the menage-a-tois she was arranging him for his birthday. One that he would end up missing, incidentally, because that weekend he would take a hockey stick to a kid’s face for no apparent reason and his parents would decide that he needed therapy every Friday. Good thing he had his PlayStation Portable so he wouldn’t get bored in the waiting room.
Photo Credit: Photshop Disasters