It all started with Kjirsten’s “zoomers.” In case you missed her comment/suggestion on I Love Pain (which apparently she does too), let me summarize for you:
Zoomers by Kjirsten
1. While straddling the treadmill, set it to level 10 (6 min. miles).
2. Jump on and run like mad for 10 seconds.
3. Increase the incline to 3. Run for 10 seconds.
4. Increase incline again to 7. Run for 10 seconds.
5. Drop down to O incline and level 6 (10 min. miles). Run for 10 seconds.
6. That’s one zoomer. If you feel so inclined, repeat.
Which is how Gym Buddy Allison and I found ourselves straddling treadmills whirring so quickly that hamsters everywhere trembled in fear.
Me: You can totally do this.
Me: We have to try it.
Allison: I cannot run that fast. I’m going to eat it.
Me: You will not. We run faster than this when we sprint around the track.
Allison: Fine. You go first.
Me: Do you promise to pick me up if I become a flesh-colored skidmark?
Allison: Only after I’m done laughing.
We then proceeded to watch the spinning belts for about ten minutes, occasionally testing it with one shoe, like a swimmer would toe the water. People stared. Finally, I jumped on the treadmill. The first step or two were rocky but I quickly hit my stride and realized that 6 minute miles look a lot faster than they feel. Much heartened, I turned to encourage her and with one last eye roll she jumped on. Turns out girl can run faster than level 10. A lot faster. She overran the belt and smacked into the hand rail. I laughed so hard that I lost my footing and had to jump off. This made her laugh and jump off. Our completely unmanned treadmills cried victory. There was giggling all around (even from the very manly guy on the treadmill next us).
But not to worry, we eventually figured it out and did three. We may have redeemed ourselves with the Zoomers but…
It Gets Worse
That was only the beginning of the physical comedy. On the clean & press, I whacked my clavicle so hard it left an olympic-bar shaped mark. Allison bent down to change the weight on the cable machine and smacked her head on the bar you are supposed to hold so you, you know, don’t hurt yourself. On the chest press I made a face so grotesque that Allison thought I was having a seizure – and instead of getting me medical aid, she laughed so hard that she couldn’t spot me anymore and that made me laugh and I almost dropped the bar on myself. Allison tried a hanging bar dip and got stuck at the bottom, dangling between the bars like a caught fish while I laughed until I cried.
The Best of the Worst
But by far the best comedic moment of the day was down at the child-care area. At our gym, they give us pagers in case of a poop emergency. These pagers vibrate and so, understandably, we occasionally refer to them as… vibrators. Apparently someone forgot to turn their pager in and so the staff was asking anyone if they had taken one home.
Staff: Do have one at home?
Allison: One what?
Staff points at the pager
Allison, cheerily: Oh, you want to know if I have a vibrator at home?
Staff: Let’s just call them pagers, okay?
Allison, beet red: Well then, no I don’t have one.
Okay, now I’m laughing so hard I can’t type anymore. This day!!! Share with me your best moment of gym hilarity and we’ll make this the Official Day of Gym Bloopers!
And this video? Will make your day.