Welcome to the part of the show where I, Charlotte, answer other people’s mail. Not because the original answer was bad – they are generally quite good! – but because I have lots of opinions that nobody asks me about:)
Go Ask Alice
If you are old enough to remember the ’80s, which I was 10 when they ended and I can still sing the Strawberry Shortcake song so I totally qualify, then you will remember one of the greatest literary hoaxes/horrific stories of all time: Go Ask Alice. This is not the Go Ask Alice I am talking about here (but I feel I must tell everyone about the hoax because that book scared the CRAP out of me as a kid. And it’s not even true!!!).
No, Go Ask Alice is the name for Columbia University’s online health services. Students write in with their most pressing health questions and Alice answers them in a very non-Brady manner. Seriously, browse through the archives and I don’t care who you are, you will be much educated. Probably about stuff that you’d rather not know about (third nipples are normal!). But still, definitely fascinating and very comprehensive.
One of the letters of the week caught my eye (I’ve edited it for brevity):
Alice,
I am interested in finding a place to go to lose weight that costs no money. I have heard of weight loss camps but they cost too much.
I have been putting off my life for nine years now because I am not satisfied with the way I look or feel. I am twenty-three-years-old and desperate at this point because I have tried everything, including many therapists. My life is passing me by but I only seem to care less as time goes on. Thanks for your help.
Weight conscious
Alice provides a wonderful answer but she missed a couple of big points.
Here’s my answer:
Dear WC (Did you know that means “water closet” in Britain? Those wacky British.),
I am very bothered by the fact that you feel “desperate.” All weight loss concerns aside, I find it very telling that you only seem to “care less as time goes on.” You sound depressed. Another symptom of depression can be weight gain and loss of motivation. You say you talked to many therapists but have you ever been evaluated for depression? It is more prevalent than people talk about and can be exacerbated by a big life change like, say, going to college. Your mental health is my first concern.
Secondly, I am surprised that you think a weight-loss camp would be the answer to your woes. It is unfortunate but we live in a society where food is omnipresent and self-control is not. Secluding yourself in a special environment will only teach you skills that work in that environment. You are smarter and stronger than that! Besides, there are no free weight-loss camps that I know of.
Which is not to say that there is nothing you can do. But you have to know it will be hard. Worth it, but hard. People want weight loss to be easy (and really, “losing” something usually is). Here are a few hard tips to get you started.
1. Be gentle with yourself. It turns out that the majority of our weight is determined by our genes (check out my HuffPo post on this new research & the ensuing discussion over there) and hating yourself thin only works in the short term. I know this from experience.
2. It’s all about support. Tell your family. Tell your friends. Join an online community. Find a weight loss buddy. Become accountable to someone besides yourself.
3. Give yourself permission to make mistakes without calling the whole experiment a failure.
4. Find out what works for you and your body. Try everything! Make it an adventure instead of an ordeal.
5. Acknowledge that it’s going to be hard sometimes. But anything worth having is worth working for.
Notice I’ve said nothing about counting calories or which program is best or even where to begin with exercise? That’s because you’ll figure that part out once you have the other pieces in place. Our bodies want to be happy and healthy, which doesn’t mean stick thin either, and once you give it permission to not be perfect and to have fun, then I think you’ll start seeing results.
Hugs & Kicks,
Charlotte
Your List
I have the smartest readers on the web. For reals. I discover this every day as I read your comments and your own blogs. I know you have some things to tell WC – let me know what you’ve discovered about finding your healthy weight! And hey, if you have any advice about weight-loss camps bring that on too!
Cartoon Credit: Basic Instructions
Good points, Charlotte.
23 – 9 = 14. This person has been “putting [their] life on hold” since they were 14! There’s definitely something bigger going on here.
and I totally remember that book (LOVED. not sure what THAT says) and the song.
now to jar yer STOP THE INSANITY!! memories.
I know they are there!
🙂
M.
I would add to WC, be realistic about how much weight you can lose and keep off. Not everyone has the ability to maintain a Hollywood-type physique, so don’t beat yourself up if you can’t achieve that! Focus more on finding a weight where you look and feel best, and don’t be surprised if that is actually higher than your goal weight.
And start enjoying life! There are no rules that only skinny people get to have fun and experience cool things!
Hi Charlotte!
I would add to your and the other comments: start slowly with the dietary changes. When you go to the grocery store, Pick out some fruits and veggies you like. Find a healthy recipe or two that you are excited about trying, and make big batches that you can take for leftovers throughout the week.
Finally – when you are out and about during the day, see if you can go for a walk. and/or get some form of exercise. That’s way easier than going home and then trying to get up the motivation to put on the sneakers.
Um, thanks a lot. Now I can’t stop reading that Go Ask Alice advice column (although your advice is kick-ass, as was expected)! I love advice columns.
okay, i am absolutely reeling about “go ask alice” being a hoax! that book made such an impact on me when i was a kid and it’s not even real? crazy!
as far as advice to wc? i think your advice was fantastic and the main thing i would say is to stop putting your life on hold. don’t wait to do something because you think you have to be thin to do it.
Charlotte,
I think your advice is spot on. Weight loss, health, etc, only happens when someone really truly wants it. They need to figure out what root cause is preventing success.
For me, I left a job I hated and began working out at a great new job. It was a new beginning/opportunity for me. I was at around 30% body fat when I began working out. Most recently, I ended a relationship that was going nowhere and holding me back (dead weight). My workouts got more fun, more inspirational, and I’ve dropped down to 18% body fat now…
I’ve found that there is a strong correlation between my happiness and my fitness level and the two feed off of each other.
Thanks again for your wonderful writing.
WC,
Weightloss happens naturally when you live an active life. Stop waiting to be skinny to start living. Get out there and live. Start dancing, hiking, swimming, walking the mall with friends, walking the great wall of China. The pounds will fall off on their own and you will be having fun the whole time.
“Secluding yourself in a special environment will only teach you skills that work in that environment. “
*smirk*
Nobody mention that to the bigwigs at NBC, ok? They’d be afraid you’d tell that to all their “Biggest Loser” viewers, and then they’d feel they’d have to kill you.
And I don’t think it’s so unusual — especially when going through adolescence — to put your life, such as it is, on hold if you think you’re “too fat”. The whole comparing ourselves with our girlfriends when we shop for clothes thing. The whole boys comparing us with our girlfriends when they decide who to date because they’re terrified by their shifting status in the boy hierarchy thing. The whole relatives balefully eyeing you because they’re “concerned” that you’ll become a fat social outcast thing.
I’d say one of the principal things one has to do, in order to evaluate what one’s healthy weight is, is to SHUT OFF the comparison voices.
Littlem – your last line says it all. I should have just had you write it & have left it at that. True, true!