What’s In Your Gym Bottle?


I got an interesting e-mail about a week ago from “Tammy”. She started off good, telling me how funny I am and how much she loves my blog (flattery will get you everywhere with me) but then took a sharp turn off into Marketing LaLa land. You might recognize this place – land of fabled 6′ 120 lb supermodels who eat cheeseburgers instead of salads & drink vodka at 9 am in the pool while the rest of us are working & then walk their dogs if they get to feeling a little puffy. If there are any children present, and there rarely are which is in itself odd considering how much simulated sex is going on, they are motionless mannequins wearing coordinating stainless outfits (top H&M $16.99, skirt Prada Jr. $1,345.99) or running through endless meadows of wildflowers and/or being spun in eternal circles by a doting person who looks too young to actually be their parent. Sound familiar? Yeah. We’d all like to live there.

And according to Tammy, Propel Fitness Water might just be your one-way ticket there. To be fair to Tammy, whom I have never met and for all I know is a perfectly lovely gal that shares my taste in too-bright purses and obscenely high-heeled shoes, she was not that heavy handed. Her segue was actually quite good: “With me, I try not to deprive myself of the occasional treat – it’s all about portion control and reading the nutrition labels carefully. That said, I wanted to share with you and your community some interesting information regarding the range of calories found in many vitamin enhanced waters.” See? Straight from my You’re An Idiot Diet post to Propel. Bravo.

I actually totally agree with her thus far. I read nutrition labels like they’re The Da Vinci code of nutrition. And I also know some interesting information about calories in water: I don’t like them. Water should not have calories. If it has calories then it is officially not water.

Tammy continues on to extol the virtues of low-cal Propel and to “shock” me with how many calories Vitamin Water has. Here’s my shocker Tammy – I take my water straight up, on the rocks. Occasionally, if I’m feeling Carmen Miranda-ish, I’ll whip a lime out of my hat and magically slice it before it drops into my glass.

Which isn’t to say that I don’t enjoy an occasional sugared-up beverage. I adore a virgin margarita (it’s a lime thing) or an Italian soda. But the difference is that a) these drinks are an indulgence and b) they all contain actual sugar rather than some artificial sweetener or the granddaddy evil of fat-kids-with-no-heads-in-cnn-pictures – high fructose corn syrup.

Sweeteners
I love sweet stuff. A good hit of jelly beans or Ben & Jerry’s can make a warm breeze blow even when there’s two feet of snow. (Like, um, now. Helloooo Minnesota! It’s SPRING. You’ve heard of that right? It’s an actual SEASON. Not a weekend. Work on it.) But I do not like man-made sweet stuff. I think that they play with our minds and mess with our innards until we don’t properly know when we’re sated and we’re about to become the next headless-fat-person-in-a-picture. (Seriously, why CNN? It’s dehumanizing. Stop it.)

So I kindly wrote back to Tammy and asked her if the magic to keeping Propel so light in calories and yet so “full of flavor” is an artificial sweetener. She e-mailed me the nutrition label. It would be Splenda. Splenda gives me headaches. According to some people, Splenda might also be the end of the free world. Your call.

At any rate, artificial sweeteners do not help you lose weight. If you just like the zingy aftertaste of aspartame then feel free to stick with your Diet Coke but if you drink it (or eat practically any “light” product) to help your waistline, you may be doing yourself more harm than good.

Fitness Water
Aside from the sweetener problem, I take issue with something being labeled a “fitness water.” Fitness water is plain H20. I do understand that in some cases it is necessary and even performance enhancing to take in a simple carb drink/gu/gel/etc. during exercise. Long distance runners mainline the stuff. And it helps. But Splenda isn’t a simple carb. It’s not even found in nature. Marketers of these products (not just Propel but all the “fitness” drinks) lose me when they try to sell it as a need, rather than a want. With the exception of a long endurance workout or race, you never need anything other than water.

I get that people think water tastes plain. We like our fruity flavors. So just use fruit. Or if you must, use sugar. But don’t tell me my body needs any of that stuff. Even for my post-workout snack, I’d rather eat whole foods (almonds & dried cherries all the way – thanks D!) than any specially formulated drink.

How You Lost Out on Free Stuff
Tammy then concluded by asking me to advertise her product on my site. She even dangled the possibility of freebies – powder packets all around! (No, don’t snort it! Drink it!) But I can’t endorse it. (Although I just did give them some free publicity – you’re welcome Tammy! Call me if you want to go shoe shopping.)

I don’t like it. I don’t think it is good for me. I don’t think it will help my fitness goals.

But that’s my rant. I want to know what’s in your sports bottle (besides mold – really, you should wash that thing every once in a while). Do you guys swear by any sports drink? Do you flavor your water at all? Are you a bottled guy/gal or does tap water reign supreme? (Personally, my fave is the drugged out tap water. There’s one way to cut down on medical costs!) Share!

Check out Carmen and all her fruit-hatted goodness! Make your whole night, I promise!

21 Comments

  1. Gym Buddy Allison

    Good ol’ regular H20 is in my gym bottle. I don’t need anything fancy, regular water sounds plenty good to me after I’ve worked up a sweat and am dehydrated. Besides, I’ve tried a sports drink at the gym before and it just weighed me down… that’s my experience anyway.

  2. I hate sports drinks. I hate flavored water. I like good ol’ fashioned tap water with a lot of ice. (We’re lucky to have great tap water here. In Los Angeles, it was bottled, all the way!)
    I don’t run marathons (unless you count chasing the kids up and down our 3 flights of stairs all day) or do century rides (but I’d like to!) so I don’t need gu or gel or Gatorade.
    I’m with you; I think natural is best, but I do admit to an occasional diet soda.

  3. Ah, the lures and lies of artificial sweeteners. I do not use them because they lie, and I do not use Splenda because it hasn’t been on the market long enough for me to be sure that it doesn’t have adverse side effects.

    Anyway, I drink my water plain. We have a Pur filter on the faucet and it makes the water taste nice and clean. The only flavored drink I consume on a regular basis is coffee.

  4. I’ve been indulging on your witty banter for some time now and first, would like to thank you for your honesty and humor.

    In my journey to get fit, I’ve started reading other health/fitness related blogs. Recently, one of my favorite bloggers wrote something denouncing that crazy Diet Coke + vitamins & mineral drinks… A few weeks later, the same site had up advertisement for the same drink!!!

    Needless to say, I was really turned off and have not gone back to that site.

    So, with sincerity, thank you for not being a sell-out!

  5. I drink only Propel. I have a hat that holds two bottles and has a straw that goes right into my mouth. After each rep, I take a huge sip and let it just sit in my mouth while I’m lifting copious amounts of weight. When I feel that tingle, I know it’s replenishing my essential nutrients. Sassy!

    Then, when I’m done with my workout, I go home and fill up the tub with blue Propel. As I slide in there, I can instantly feel the Propel cleansing my skin, exfoliating and, once or twice, even removing an unfortunately-placed wart. Oh, yeah, Propel’s the real deal. Plus, it leaves my skin with a gentle, blue hue that keeps the ladies guessing. Smurftastic!

    I can’t recommend Propel enough. I’m considering the legal ramifications of marrying Propel. Why? Because when I’m in the hospital, I only want Propel to take care of me (and have access to my medical records). Sweet!

    No, seriously, I drink tap water. If I don’t have that, though, I drink this.

  6. H20 is the way to go! And milk does a body good, too. Calling Propel and its ilk “fitness” water is like calling candied apples “fitness” apples.

  7. in public? plain old water.

    in private, when I think no one is looking? MizFit is all about struggling to rip those foil crystal lite tubes open and using that stuff.

    horrible.

    I know.

    🙂

  8. Gatorade Cookie Dough…that is awesome! And I would totally go to the gym for a fitness apple!

    I stick with plain old H2O. I do drink Gatorade but only if I’m going to be running more than 10 miles. I do occasionally drink Propel but I use the packets that I can dilute in twice the amount of water for just a hint of flavor! I know there are still the same amount of calories but it makes me feel better! I’m really trying hard to kick the Diet Pepsi –

    I do indulge in gels and GU’s when I’m running marathons although a couple years ago I was running Grandma’s marathon and it was bloody hot and some girl was handing out the sugared fruit slice candy…(ok I know this is a total run on sentance…but I talk this way) and it was the best thing ever. So on longer training runs I’ve opted for that over the gels. It gets really hard to gag that stuff down and there is no fun in it. I’ll take candy anyday!

  9. Yeah… I drink Propel. I’ll admit it. I don’t drink it too often, because then I would be even poorer than I am, but I just love the flavor and find it so refreshing. This, of course, is because I am a blasphemer and do not like the taste of plain water. I still drink plain water most of the time, but I like to have me some strawberry-kiwi Propel after my long-ass training runs for a little reward.

    Other people can say that sucralose will kill me, but if Propel is my one marathon-training vice, I think I’m doing okay.

  10. Oh wow, I love that “Gatorade Cookie Dough”.

    I’m all about the water. Occasionally with ice, and on hot summer days I like a lemon or lime wedge too (it makes me feel like a classy lady).

    It’s an interesting side effect that once you eat virtually only natural foods for even a few days, your poor tongue and stomach can’t stand too many nasty artifical sugars. Aside from all of those potentially harmful aspects of artificial sweeteners, they just don’t taste as good as the real thing, do they?

  11. I too am a plain water fan. Those flavored waters just leave a feeling of “ick” in my mouth. Now if only I could get that same feeling after slugging down the diet soda that I drink everyday. Is there such a thing as caffeinated water?

  12. I gotta say, if I’m not going to drink plain water I just water down some juice! I guess it’s a little calorie heavy compared to something with Splenda in it, but it’s cheaper. And maybe safer. I also like that I’m not consuming as many of the earth’s resources by going through all those bottles!

  13. I’m with you on all the frankenwaters. Smart, Fitness, Vitamin, who knows what’s next? I get most of my “Smart-Fitness-Vitamin” water from the well in the front yard. Yeah, plain water for this doctor, also.

    Dr. J

  14. all this sports and enhanced drink banter is completely justified. I read least weak about a company who is getting ready to market a bottle cap that holds the active drink ingredients seperated from watr and light until your ready to drink. apparently you twist the cap and the ingredients drop down into your bottle of water. they say they developed it because vitamin ingredients degrade rapidly in water or if exposed to light. I found that interesting and worthy to put into any discussion concerning vitamin-enrihed drinks.

    the company website with the cap: http://www.drinkyournutrition.com (or) http://www.drinkfresher.com works too I think.

    i hope you find this all as interesting as i do

  15. My Ice Cream Diary

    YAY! I’m so glad to finally hear someone say this. It drives me nuts when people switch to diet drinks and don’t understand why they aren’t loosing weight. If I’m going to eat something sugar sweet I want to know that I’m eating real food and to use real common sense. Dont’ forget the damage that sodas (including diet, it’s all about the carbonation) do to your teeth

    I love telling my husband I’d rather gain a pound frm sugar than loose a pound from cancer.

  16. Water all the way, I can’t get enough of it. And I honestly can’t understand it when people say they don’t like the taste of water – it doesn’t taste of anything, it’s just so refreshing and satisfying!

  17. I only skimmed the comments, so sorry if this is a duplicate.

    Idiocracy. It’s a movie. Where all the water has been replaced by – a sports drink. Except the water in – the toilet. It’s a funny movie with some interesting jabs at popular culture.

    I just recently (like two days ago) decided to wean off the Splenda. Even though I shrug off all other nasty stuff, I just couldn’t help using that sweet, sweet elixir. But, I’m done. I want to LIVE! 🙂

  18. Water. Tap water. Not even cold water. No mold. However, since I reuse my Aquanfina bottle for a week or two (until I loose it or just feel like grabbing a new one out of the garage–now that they have finally thawed–Hello Minnesota!), I’m sure my normal flora have multipied so many times that the bactierial family reunions going on in that bottle are to the 18th and 19th generations! It’s almost like having a Probiotics beverage! duh

    Almonds and cherries–you go, Girl!

  19. I got the exact same email!!

  20. Ohhhoo, It is nice to hear about gym bottle, and thanks for the info about fitness

  21. If I'm working out, plain tap water. But the rest of the time, I love Diet Coke. Yeah, it might kill me, but something's got to. And I have lost a lot since switching, but that could have something to do with the 1000 calories of regular Coke I was drinking before:)