Are lying all over the floor at my gym as I was broken into little bits this week by tragically underestimating several new workouts.
Having finished the CrossFit experiment but not having found a new suitable experiment (plus still secretly loving CrossFit and MBG), I decided to throw in a few “fun” workouts that I’ve been wanting to try for a while now.
The results were surprising and involved a LOT of weird looks at the gym this week. Which of course means it was a total success.
Shorty Experiment #1: The Ballet Method
I posted a little bit about this before, but basically it’s a workout based around how ballerinas get their pointe on.
50 high heel parallel squats
50 diamond shape squats
50 standing seat work (each leg)
50 fold-over seat (each leg)
50 pretzel (which should really be called Nails Stabbing Into Each Butt Cheek – each leg)
50 ballerina curls
50 leg lifts under the bar (see pic here)
Me & the Gym Buddies (we so need to be a emo-rock band!) made the mistake of tacking this on to the end of an already very difficult workout. And I’m sure we were doing it wrong anyhow. But it was an amazingly difficult leg workout. Everyone, including Gym Buddy Mike, was shaking by the end. We repeated this workout Wednesday and Friday. I have new respect for ballerinas, and my calves, now. And? My butt. is. still. sore.
Shorty Experiment #2: Madonna’s Workout
Okay, I admit that I approached this workout with a level of derision I usually only bring out for people who call the National Enquirer “the news” or answer “chicken butt” to “What’s up?”. I figured there was no way Madonna could be her ripped self on this wussy workout.
I eat crow.
I decided, after dreaming about Madonna kicking my (very sore) butt, that I ought not disparage a workout that I haven’t actually tried. So, Gym Buddy Allison and I worked out like Madonna today. We wore our shiny leggings and cropped tees and fluffed our hair. (Although we couldn’t find our plastic jelly bracelets either MizFit!) Kidding. Actually we did this:
Madonna’s Workout (not to be confused with The Madonna Workout which involves a lot of deep knee bends and charity work)
100 V arm raises with 3-lb weights
100 arm pulses over head with 3-lb weight, each arm
100 plie squats
100 crunches
100 pike-ups with 3-lbs weights
Again, we made the mistake (will we never learn?!?) of tacking this on after a grueling CrossFit WOD. And we were brought low by stupid, wussy 3-lb hand weights. Turns out if you do anything 100 times it really really hurts. I’m embarrassed to say this but both crazy-strong Allison and getting-stronger me had to take breaks. I kid you not. I can only imagine what our fellow weight-floor residents must have thought watching us struggle, scream and then hit failure with 3-lb weights.
But the arms were not the worst of it. 100 pike-ups were so torturous that we did them in 20-count bursts punctuated by laughing fits. It really was that funny. I don’t know how much I like this as a real workout – I would have to see it more fleshed out (Not Madonna – we’ve seen way too much of her flesh, just the workout thank you). As it is, it doesn’t seem to target all the muscle groups (hey, who needs back muscles?). But I would imagine that since Madge reportedly spends upwards of 2 hours a day working out (no judging here!), she probably does a lot more than just this. Yoga? Pilates? Crazy-rich-celebrity moves that only billionaires know about? Anyhow, I have new respect for Madonna, and my abs, now. And? My shoulders still feel like lead.
Shorty Experiment #3: Turbo Sport
My beloved TurboKick came out with a new (half?) round they call Turbo Sport. In short, it is all the Turbo core moves without all the Turbo fun. Officially it’s supposed to be a more “athletic” turbo, which I don’t understand because Turbo is already very athletic. I mean, it was okay, and the calorie burn was just as good as regular Turbo but it just wasn’t fun. I hate to whine. I love new stuff. But I think that was the problem with this round – it wasn’t new at all. It was just the same kicks and punches. The ab track, however, was harder than the already difficult regular ab track. And the push-up track was a welcome change too. But in the end, this dancer girl needs her finesse back:)
And just in case you ever wonder why I am the way I am – I blame this:
All I have to say is…..the Madonna workout KICKED MY soar BUTT!!!
Give it a try before you laugh at it đŸ˜€
fast thank you for perhaps one of the best compliments Ive ever received (the ration in an irrational…)
M.
Wow I am surprised by the Madonna workout! I’ll have to give it a try!
Loved your video!
I have been sick, but was feeling better yesterday so thought that an at home version of the Madonna workout (the Tracy Anderson workout) with the 3 lb. weights and crunches and plies and pikes was the way to ease back into things. Ladies – I, too, found this surprisingly difficult. I did not do 100 of anything.
Keep in mind, Ms. Anderson advocates 30 minutes of fairly high intensity cardio (dance, sprint, skip, gallop … you remember) and has a pilates-type machine that she invented to work all those little muscle groups. I assume back is included!
I will be trying my own version of this for a bit (with yoga included and including the Tracy Anderson video that I have ordered, it’s the cardio part (I bit hard!) – so I’ll let you know what happens.
Incidentally, this has got me thinking about my own goals. I have always been torn between being super strong for my size and looking like I want to (slim but muscular – bascially long and lean). I think after this whole Madonna revelation that, at least for me, I can’t necessarily have both – I’m either strong and a little bigger or lean and a little weaker (not total weakling, I’ll always keep my pull-up ability!). What do you think?
Oh, and thank you for the Charlotte Special Bar Workout. I will definitely incorporate this into my experiment!
Keep in mind re: the madonna workout that soreness afterwards isn’t necessarily a good indicator of a workout’s benefit. Soreness is a result of lactic acid release, brought on by doing 100 reps of the exercises. It does not necessarily indicate muscular growth or adaptation.
And I believe that “chicken butt” is a perfectly acceptable answer to the question “Guess what?”
Thank you Lucas…I didn’t want to be the first one to say that I very often repsond to ‘guess what’ with ‘Chicken butt’! Perfectly acceptable!
I remember the “chicken butt” joke, but never said it. That’d be because my older brother said it, and that made it not cool.
Anyway, I can see how doing 100 reps of anything would make your arms tired, even with little to no weight.
I’m kind of disturbed by the commercial for little girls, there is just something funny-strange about seeing little girls dressed like adult women working out. It is a good explanation though as to why people like us are the way we are, hahah.
Another thing about the Madonna workout … It is possible that this is her workout now, but not the workout that she did previously, to build those gorgeous muscles. She may be training toward a different goal currently, or even purposely going “catabolic” in order to lose some of her gains. Actresses frequently do this for different roles, and I can see how a singer might need to as well. Maybe she is working on endurance for an upcoming tour, etc. (That is just an example, not necessarily what I think is her reasoning.) So one should not take a snapshot of a star’s plan and assume that is always the plan … I know I sometimes work far heavier and with fewer reps to achieve hypertrophy, while other times I work within a slightly higher rep range (though not high-rep by any means) and super-set so I can work on fat loss. Other times I might wave-load. No two six-week period of my workouts would look the same. I imagine that is true of Madonna as well. Just some thoughts!
FANTASTIC post as always! I love your blog! And I got a big kick out of the “Get n Shape Girl” ad. đŸ˜‰
I am absolutely convinced that my body is genetically built to NOT be able to do those under-the-barre leg lifts. I took a Core Fusion class and all of these women were lifting their legs like they were feathers. Um, I don’t know about them but my legs are heavy – more than half my weight and way long. I have strong abs but that exercise totally wasted me.
Love the Get in Shape Girl video. But why did I never notice that it ends with that little girl bending over with her butt sticking out? In-ap-prop-riate.
Oh, I so totally had those bracelets (Bangle Bops? Is that what they called the?) when I was 8 or so. I’d forgotten all about them until now.