Your Own Worst Enemy

Fiery plane crash. Rock climbing accident. Cancer. Crushed in one of those huge metal turnstiles/revolving door of spikes they have at the zoo that look like an Iron Maiden. (Am I the only one who is terrified by those things? I’m using the “stroller entrance” whether or not I have any kids in tow. Just saying.) I wasn’t sure how it was going to happen but every since I can remember, I’ve been convinced I was going to die young.

This belief has caused me to engage in some rather risky behavior (along with a severe case of political apathy – who cares who wins the election if I’m going to DIE?): cliff dancing – definitely more fun & probably more dangerous than you are imagining, meeting strangers off the Internet, scaling buildings & then jumping into dumpsters on the off chance those security cameras could get us onto Max-X, going on a week long road trip with a guy I hardly knew (and then I married him! Hi honey!!), and a chronic habit of reading whilst walking that actually caused me to get knocked on the head by one of those mechanical arms that guard parking lots. Obviously none of these things killed me (those guard arms are lighter than they look), but that bad attitude also led me to not care overly much about my health.

Now that I am 29, I have finally come to accept the fact that I’m here to stay. And I’m very happy about that. I wake up every day grateful for my life (Hi Honey!!!). Things that I never gave much thought to before – pesticides, global warming, transfats, Barrack Obama, BASE jumping legality, cockroach bits in my chocolate – I suddenly have very strong & vocal opinions about. And health – mine, yours, my kids’, that guy’s over there – has become paramount.

So now I’m faced with the task of weeding out all those unhealthy behaviors that I ignored over the years. I’ve managed to get rid of the big offenders by fixing my diet, keeping up on my doctor’s check-ups, exercising regularly, getting loads of therapy, and choosing Time over Cosmo in all those waiting rooms. What’s left is a mish-mash of little pet neuroses.

What’s Your Pet?
In one of the saddest bits of research I’ve come across lately, many people avoid exercise because of severe acne. I know that other body image issues affect exercise as well. “I’m too fat to go to the gym!” “I’m too uncoordinated to play sports!” “My boobs are too big to run!” “I’d die of embarrassment if I made a mistake in step class!” “I am the six-fingered man & there’s this guy named Inigo Montoya!”

I’m not denigrating these excuses. They are definitely a source of concern and I totally sympathize with the nagging fear that everyone is staring at your physical imperfections. But when our fears hold us back, it’s time to take action.

Life Tweaks
I’m sure you’ve heard of the Longevity Study conducted by the Harvard Institute of Health. It’s not terribly new. In it, the researchers interview hundreds of centenarians and came up with a list of behaviors they all have in common. Note: nowhere on the list will you find anything about being acne-free, coordinated, small-boobed or even five-fingered.

How to Live to be 100
1. Be a girl. (Sorry guys, it’s true! Guess I will have the last laugh on all those horrid blind dates! Oh, wait, I already do.)

2. Have good genes. (Another one you can’t choose but stick around because the rest of the list is all stuff under your direct control.)

3. Engage in a great deal of physical activity. (See? Doesn’t matter if you punch yourself in the face in boxing – which I have totally done btw – all that matters is you are movin’ and groovin’.)

4. Eat little or no meat. (I didn’t make that up. It’s in there, I swear!)

5. Don’t smoke. If you do, stop.

6. Don’t drink heavily.

7. Gain little to no weight in adulthood. (Easier said than done, Harvard!)

8. Don’t overeat. (The famously long-lived Okinawans in the study took in about 10-20% less calories than the average American adult. They actually have a philosophy: Eat until you are 80% full. When you figure out how to tell when you hit that 80% mark, please let me know.)

9. Consume less fat & make the fat you do eat of the good variety (nuts, fish, Chris Farley.)

10. Eat lots of fruits and veggies.

11. Get regular physical activity as long as you are able.

13. Have a positive outlook.

14. Maintain close ties with family & friends.

The researchers conclude by saying that no matter what our gender or our genes predispose us to, most of us could add a decade or more to our lives simply by doing the above things. So if you, like me, have finally decided that the universe is not out to get you, try making a few tweaks. Start with the last one, it’ll make you feel better almost instantaneously. Plus, your mom called. She wants to tell you she loves you. And then she wants to do the I-told-you-so dance because, really, she was right about the peas.

7 Comments

  1. Hi, Charlotte. Short-time reader, first time commenter, here. I may never comment again, or maybe I will enjoy it so much that I’ll become a regular “commenter” – who knows. But, here are my thoughts on today’s blog…

    First, I think that suggestions #13 and #14 are mutually exclusive. Think about it.

    Second, in all seriousness, I can’t understand why #13 is not listed as #1 in bold, capital letters with multiple underlines.

    Third, I would like to add my own excuse for why I do not frequent the gym: I am too busy enjoying my life. I admit, during the winter months, I’m not getting quite as much physical activity as I should. But, pretty soon I’ll spend many, many hours per week gardening, taking walks and bike rides with the kids, engaging in “competitive garage sweeping” with the hubby, geocaching, and spending my lunch hour at work walking to the local greenhouse and back.

    Fourth, I can appreciate the list of rules to help me reach the ripe old age of 100. I completley agree with most of the items on the list. But, I gotta tell you that I really couldn’t look forward to 70 more years of life if it were 70 years with no meat, no sweets, and endless hours spent in a gym. There’s too much life to be lived – and even enjoyable time to be spent with my family (mom included). I’ll settle for a mere 95 years of life if it means I can have a steak and a brownie once in a while and sneak in a little exercise while enjoying wonderful moments with my family.

  2. Flamingo,

    I agree with what you are getting at, but I think you may have taken it to an extreme. The point of the list is exactly what you are saying – make good choices most of the time. We all know what these are, and they don’t preclude having a steak and brownie once in a while, but rather that we shouldn’t be eating steaks and brownies every day.

    As for the exercise thing, again I understand what you are saying – but don’t make it sound so awful! The list doesn’t say spend hours sweating at the gym! I hardly think those Okinawans were doing that. Instead, I think they were probably doing a lot of the things that you describe doing (and enjoying!) during the summer – walking, gardening, communing with nature, yada yada yada. They aren’t at the gym for the sake of it, they are exercising as part of their lives, as a way of increasing their enjoyment of other things, and I think that this is the perfect approach. I feel like you tried to take the list a little too seriously and a little too by-the-letter.

    Just my 2 cents.

  3. Lovely post Charlotte! I’m so grateful that I enjoy exercising in whatever form I can get it – even at the gym! I’m glad you’ve decided to stick around for awhile longer!

  4. Charlotte, Charlotte….How many times must I remind you that you are 28! Your creeping up to 30 faster than you need to! Do you just want to feel more of an elder to me? Is that it!? 🙂
    Anywho…love the post! Those are all wondeful rules to follow by. As for excersizing at the gym or where ever… I look at my gym time more than just excersizing. It’s a social hour and a break, it’s meet new friends time for me and my son in the “kids stuff”, it’s trying new things you havent done before or even just being silly whether it’s doing headstand in the middle of the weight floor or running around with a 50 lb weight over your head. All these things are what gets me, a stay at home mom, through her day! 🙂

  5. Funny, my sister has always sworn she is going to die young and has therefore made so many bad/dangerous decisions in her life. She is over 30 now and I think she is scared to accept that she may live a lot longer because she doesn’t want to change the way she lives her life.

  6. My great-aunt recently turned 96. I think if we were to ask her, she would say that a good outlook on life is the most important, right alongside a reason for living. Having focus and purpose gives you a reason to get up in the morning and take care of yourself.

    She comes from the generation when exercise wasn’t preached, but everyday life provided plenty (she picked cotton and milked cows, gardened and worked hard labor most of her life). And she’s still going strong, osteoporosis aside.

    She also keeps her mind active as an avid reader, and keeps in contact with numerous friends and family. She goes out visiting the “old people” (10 to 20 yrs her junior) most days of the week. I think this has played a huge role in her lifelong health and happiness.

    She told me a few months ago that she could have been a better cook and kept a better house and yard, but that she had more important and fulfilling things to do in her life. Those are the things that keep her active and involved in the community at 96 years old. No doubt she’ll be just as active for as long as she has left.

  7. I have some centurians in my family, and I have no doubt that my dad and maybe my mom will make it to 100. I think their secret is healthy relationships, activity, balanced eating, and socialness. My goodness they know SO many people and party WAY more than I do. When my bro got married, the folks initial guest list was 600 and that was pared down. I don’t know that many people if I tried REALLY hard.

    My dad is one of my health role models, and he really is amazing. He’ll be colon cancer free 15 years this summer and he doesn’t look his age at all. Dad is one cool dude!