A Nose is A Nose is A Nose?

I didn’t know there was a problem with my nose until I was 24. Really and truly. I walked around this planet for 24 years wearing that thing in front of my face and I never once noticed anything awry in the mirror. But I learned better that fateful spring morning.

A new mom, I had taken my nine-month old to the park to “play” (Who was I kidding? The kid was a veritable potted plant, except I had to keep turning him away from the sun instead of towards it. Didn’t want him to get sunburned, you see. In Seattle. In March. Like I said, new mom.) when a stranger struck up a conversation with me. She was also a mom of a little boy, who was enthusiastically ignoring all the cool playground equipment and eating the woodchips instead, and she lived in my neighborhood.

As our conversation progressed she declared to me, in a way that strangers only do with other strangers, that she was actually at the park because she was going in for plastic surgery that afternoon. Usually she worked, you see, but had taken a “vacation” to get “it” fixed. And “these” she whispered despite us being the only ones in the whole park, gesticulating at her smallish chest. “That’s for my husband.”

“Ever since I was 14, I’ve been saving money to get my nose done,” she explained. “And now I’m 28. It’s about time!” I nodded sympathetically as I squinted at her nose. It looked… just like my nose.

“What are they going to fix?” I asked, hoping she would say a deviated septum or something.

“OMG! THIS!” She stuck her face in my face. A bump on the bridge of her nose came into focus.

“Oh, okay,” I mumbled. The damage was done. As soon as I got in the car, I checked my nose in the rear view mirror. Bump? Yep. (Go ahead, scroll up & look at my pic. It’s there!) When I walked in my house, I dropped wee Potted Plant on the floor in front of some toys and ran to my big mirror to examine my schnoz from every angle.

Where did that bump come from? Surely as a child I had that little button nose that children are, well, famous for. I broke my nose falling off a hammock in sixth grade – was that when it happened? How had I never noticed it before? Was that why Jake broke up with me my freshman year of college? I mean all he said was “This doesn’t feel right.” but maybe he meant “Your nose is hideous! I can’t pass that genetic freak show on to my kids!”

My kids! I ran out to look at Potted Plant. He had a tiny perfect ski-jump nose. Gerber-baby cute if not for the perpetual stream of snot that oozed from it. I sighed with relief but made a mental note to be on the lookout for it as he grew up. Although, I rationalized, he was a boy and the world is more forgiving of mogul-ed noses on men.

After that, I had to check my profile in every reflective surface that came my way. I’m sure people thought I was the vainest woman they’d ever seen. Vain I was not. Terrified is what I was. My husband assured me that he loved me in spite of it which only led me to realize that he’d seen my bump all along and NEVER told me about it!

The Playground Lady’s voice echoed through my head for weeks. Until.

Until I talked to my friend Marianne, pouring out all my trite yet expansive worries on her shoulder. When I finished she laughed her butt off, pointed to her own nose that could best be described as Jewish (which she was), and replied “That’s why I accessorize with expensive shoes.” Her ability to laugh at and even embrace her “flaw” completely changed my perspective.

Why am I telling you this story? Because it is important how we talk about our bodies. Even if it is just to a stranger but especially if it is in front of our children. We should also take care in talking about other people’s bodies. I’m convinced that our extreme criticism of celebrities only eats away at our own self-worth.

Over a year ago, I decided to try a little experiment (surprise!) and cut out TV and movies. That’s right – all of ’em. Once I got over wondering what was happening on Grey’s anatomy, it actually wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. But the biggest change was how I felt about myself. Once I wasn’t bombarded with “America’s Next Top Model” and “Hollywood’s Top 50 Sexiest Women” and even the more subtle super-skinny-and-oh-so-empowered Dr. Meredith Grey, I felt better about who I was. Actually, I stopped thinking about what I looked like as much (which I could say never but that wouldn’t be true and today IS honest Tuesday after all) and started to focus more on what I could do. I didn’t even realize how far I’d come until I spoke to an old friend who was punishingly critical of her (beautiful) post-baby body and was able to show her my tiger-claw/stretch marks with love and even pride.

I don’t usually give you guys recommendations as to what to do (I just try to show you the experiments and research and let you make your own decisions) but just this once – let’s be careful how we speak of ourselves. And speak kindly of others. Need a jump start? Head over to Leslie’s blog and join the comment feel-goodness:)

PS> And vote too! Yay Super Tuesday!!

7 Comments

  1. your nose looks great. classical actually. i’ve got the same random, late born insecurity though. i’d always known my nose had a bump and i’d joke about getting my “roman” nose fixed to look more asian (oh, forgot to mention, i’m asian). but then someone said, “why get it fixed? there’s nothing wrong with it except that it gets kind of wide when you smile.” boom. i suddenly was acutely aware of the ever expanding nose of mirth. but i know i will never get surgery for it. i had no problem with it till that moment and nothing’s changed since then to make me hate it more except a careless comment.

  2. Charlotte, I see you everyday and I have NEVER noticed anything wrong with your nose!
    Although, I am guilty as you are, just in the past years of I noticed my nose seems to have shifted down (or up) on one side, but I don’t think anyone else has noticed so until that happens it will be our little secret!
    Candice

  3. I never thought anything was wrong with my nose, either, until one day my mother actually apologized to me for giving me her nose. Thanks, Mom…

    But, setting aside scarring family moments, great post!

  4. Wow – who knew so many of us have “weird” noses?? I’m glad that you all love yours now though. Lucas, yours takes the cake though since it was your MOM telling you. thejulia – I bet your smile is just gorgeous:)

  5. great post—and great nose! I am so guilty of this, I walk around all the time saying “mommy is fat, mommy has a big behind, look at mommy’s blubber, etc.” It’s terrible, especially now that my son is starting to speak and repeat what I say. 🙁 I definitely need to stop

  6. actually, when I scrolled up to look at your pic, the two things that ran through my mind were (a) wow, she has fantastic skin! and (b) I miss the picture of Charlotte in the hot pink wig 🙁
    Your nose is beautiful. It’s unfortunate that that woman had to point out all of her “flaws” to you and, in the process, make you feel badly. When I was struggling with an ED in/after college, I apparently talked endlessly about feeling fat, hating my body, etc…until one day, a friend slapped some sense into me. I will never forget it. She said, “Leslie, I love you, you are my best friend. But if you continue to talk about how fat you are, I cann’t be around you. Not only is it not true, it makes me feel awful about myself.” And I’ll be damned if that verbal slap (gentle, but still a slap) didn’t wake me up and I literally, almost overnight, stopped making those comments. She was right.

    Keep up your fantastic writing – you’re a freaking funny and really wondeful storyteller!!!

  7. Awww – you guys are the best cure for a bad day ever!! Thanks for the compliments on ye old nose.

    Leslie – I LOVE that story about your friend in college. So many of us get caught up in nitpicking ourselves like that. It takes a very honest and loving friend to speak up like that. Thanks for complimenting my writing too – that means more to me than you can possibly know!