I have many pet peeves at the gym: plastic surgery commercials on the TVs, jerks who hock loogies into the drinking fountain, people who pee on the toilet seats & don’t wipe it up & women who’s only form of greeting is “OMG!! Have you lost weight?!?”
I could probably do a post on each one of these (Hee! Welcome to the Great Cynicism Experiment!) but I usually try to focus on the positive and not let people’s little quirks get me down. And I hope they are equally forgiving of me. But when the pet peeve is repeatedly shoved in my face – well, that’s a bit harder to move on from.Indulge My Long Rambling Tanget
Let’s call her Jen. A typical conversation with her ends only one way: as a plug for her pyramid-style “business.” She’ll first try to recruit you and if that doesn’t work, then she’ll try and sell her product to you. Girl is relentless. In fact, her ability to turn any conversation on any topic towards her business is, well, quite a talent really. Take this conversation with Gym Buddy Candice the other day:
Candice (not speaking to Jen): I found these really great protein bars. They taste really yummy so my kids like them and…
Jen (sprinting across the gym): Did you say protein bars? What kind are they?
Candice: Um, X brand, I really like them and…
Jen: Are they “all natural”? Organic? Monkey-fur free? Endorsed by the International Department of People for Protein Bars (TM)?
Candice: Why would I need…
Jen: Because my company’s protein bars do! Plus they…
And she continues on. Until we leave.
Now I’m not against people marketing for themselves. After all, if you don’t talk about your business then who will? But to turn every conversation to it is a bit much. Especially because, despite reciting her product list to me for an HOUR while I was held captive on the elliptical, I don’t think she has ever once asked me how I’m doing. Or how my kids are. Or what *I* do for a job. (Okay, that last one is so boring no one should ever ask me that question. I’m warning you – don’t ask me! You’ll want to poke your eyes out with sharp objects and/or utter the phrase “what has happened to today’s young people?” whilst sounding exactly like your parents. Just don’t go there.)
Protein Bars with a Punch…in your stomach
That long rambling story has a point. (Well, two, actually – the first being: Jen, if you are reading this STOP selling to me. Thank you.) My main point before I went off on Jen (seriously, girl, I LIKE you but STOP selling to me. Please!) was to talk about protein bars. I know, it was a long and circuitous route but I had to find a way to tell you about a read tip I received. I know!! I finally have enough readers that they are giving me TIPS! It’s like I’m a real blogger:)
Reader Mark (thanks Mark!) pointed me to this breakdown of the perenially popular Power Bar. In case you already didn’t know that protein bars are not a substitute for food & are one of the most processed “food” items on the market, you should check this out. In addition to several different types of sugar, including the Epitome of Evil High Fructose Corn Syrup & a coating described as “Chocolatey” (the “y” because it contains no actual chocolate), is “maltitol”- an ingredient that produces “gas and bloating, [and] a laxative effect so powerful that Australia and New Zealand require a warning label on foods that contain it.” That’s right – “health” food that gives you an illness.
I’m not telling you to never eat your fave protein bar if you love it – just consider it a treat instead of a meal replacement. Choose varieties with the least number of ingredients (and skip the maltitol). Or, better yet, make your own. And, if all else fails, stay close to the bathroom (Jen, I’m PEEING here. Do NOT follow me in the bathroom. Fine – at least wipe the seat off for me.)
Photo Credit: Way Odd
Char thanks for the morning giggle! Hey I know of these great protein shakes….J/K!
I gave up protein bars a long time ago and now carry fruit,peanut butter, cheese and crackers around. I have a large purse 🙂
So, what do you do?
I’m a huge fan of Alton Brown (“Good Eats”, Food Network) and he has a great recipe for a healthy protein bar.
I tried pasting the URL, but it was too long and blogger barfed, so here is a tiny link: http://tiny.cc/protein
I have always wanted to have the guts to turn the tables on the pyramid schemers. If I HAD the guts I would do something along the lines of this:
Jen: You just have to try my company’s protein bars because they…
Me(Interupting): Did you say protein bars? That reminds me that I have an AWESOME stain remover that I sell through Amway. But even better than the product is the company itself. Can I tell you about it?
It would be so funny to see how fast they run away.
I can’t eat protein bars because they remind me too much of candybars, and if I’m gonna eat one I’d just rather eat a Snickers.
I love protein bars and will keep eating them until the world is consumed by greenhouse gases! My favorite are the Detour bars! I’m just not organized to always have stuff to take with me and so I eat a protein bar every now and then in the afternoon when I’m on taxi duty! I figure it’s better than stopping at Burger King for a Whopper!
By the way my boys about peed their pants laughing at the Storm Trooper on the toilet! Love it!
I have to give Jen a little credit, Charlotte, that was the FIRST time see try to sell me something in 3 conversations, but I think she mainly did it because she was hoping you and Allison would jump at them. She KNOWS that I am to old to be sold on.
Jen missed the point I had about the bars, because they weren’t even protien bars, but granola bars instead.
I love you pictures and all my kids were crowded around my computer just to see the storm trooper! I even called Tom down and he got a good laugh.
Alexandra-I need to get a purse your size. I would love to carry those snacks around!
Candice
Good point about the protein bars. Like you said, they’re definitely convenient to carry around (I like to have them at work for an afternoon snack), but I’ve been cutting back lately. There are a lot of natural foods that would be a LOT better for me!
Wow – you guys have great ideas!! Thanks for recipe TJ. (Note to self: use more Storm Troopers in pictures. Or toilets.)
Alexandra – my fave portable snack is fresh fruit or veggies and nuts/seeds. If I get a wild hair, it’s full-on trail mix, baby! Does that make me boring??
Ice Cream – I LOVE your comeback!! I’m so using that one next time. (Coincidentally, Jen sells Amway/Quixstar – but you knew that right??) Next time I get in an awkward situation can I text you for a snappy reply?
Gretchen & Zandria – protein bars are much better than cheesburgers in my book! And hey – I never said give them up entirely. Just know they’re a treat. Gotta give props for all the busy women out there:)